Being By Believing

 In 2016, I had my dream jobs, I owned a successful catering business and was a park ranger in the summer.  I had friends that I loved dearly and enjoyed being with, my house was paid off and life was pretty good.  Then one day I received a call from my cousin telling me my dad had been arrested.  I couldn't believe it, we had tried for years to get something to stick on dad, and finally he was caught red handed.  I was working at Bryce Canyon when the Bureau of Investigations called and warned me of my dad's threats on my life.  Soon after I had strange people show up at the park looking for me.  I had 15 minutes to leave with all my belongings and hit the road.  Life became hell at this point. I ended living in my car for several months, moving place to place to get away from my dad's contacts.  I had to change my name, leave my friends and family and go into hiding.  I finally landed in Boise, Idaho and the postmaster there gave me a ...

 Who could believe that the world would be such a crazy place in one short year?  Last year provided a view of the ugliness of human nature in its rawest form.  We attacked each other for every small detail, from the fear of spreading germs, to the fear of the color of one's skin.  We use social media as a way to anonymously destroy other human beings, creating a forum that encourages self doubt, self hate, and self destruction.  Honestly, I slightly ashamed at being a human being.   I believe we are so much more than this behavior.  I saw the term "cancel culture" create an environment of censorship that is constructed not by a government entity, but by individuals with a destructive agenda. We are trying to enforce tolerance through intolerant behavior.  This idealism was the heart of Nazi Germany's Third Reich.  I was a docent for the Ann Frank exhibit years ago, and the idea to condemn people for their genetic birthright, to be intol...

We live in a world where it has become common to criticize and condemn people for any little thing, real or imagined.  Social media has brought strangers into people's lives, connecting us in ways that are caustic and dangerous.  When social media started out, the ability to connect with long lost friends and family was wonderful.  Then having people from all around the world instantly send feedback on a post filled that void of loneliness, providing that acceptance that is not found in our small world of familiarity. Somewhere in the midst of this new way to connect with the world, things went awry.  Soon the same toxic behavior that occurs in our personal world infiltrated social media, and hate overtook the joy that came with this personal connection.  People began spreading lies, hate, and condemnation on every portal of this medium.  Like a silent disease, this blackness of the human soul infiltrated every part of our lives.  Parts of our everyd...

When a person has never experienced trauma enters into a relationship, their sub-conscious is able to view each new relationship as a good experience, something to look at with love. On the other hand, if a person has had trauma in a past relationship, their sub-conscious views all new relationship as a potential bad experience, something to look at with fear. Unless a person uses their conscious brain, and faces the past trauma, it will continue to cause that person to look at all potential relationships through the lenses of pain and fear.  Even if the relationship is a good one, and the other person is bringing only love and friendship into the relationship, trauma will cause drama.  If the person who has experienced trauma is unable to see problems and issues in a current relationship, the victim persona that has been created in the sub-conscious will put the same traumatic behavior from the past into the new relationship. (False Evidence Appearing Real) Traum...

I received a call earlier this week from the mom of one of my dear friends. "Happy?" she asked. "Yes," I said, wondering why she was calling; it had been over three years since we had talked. "Sheila asked me to tell you that Hunter passed away this morning," she said, her voice breaking. My heart sunk, "How?" She began to stutter, not finding the right words. "He decided to go back to Heaven on his own," I said. "Yes," she sobbed. I immediately rushed to be with Sheila, so many questions running through my mind.  The one that kept coming back was, "Why?"  I hadn't been to see Sheila and her kids since she married her new husband.  I figured they were happy and didn't need the intrusion, since they were still relatively newlyweds.  I was part of Sheila’s past, when we were neighbors in a condominium complex, and her first husband was dying from the complications of diabetes.  We were such cl...

One of the hardest things for a victim of sexual abuse to do is to tell another person what happened to them.  It tears open all the wounds of the heart, putting every terror, every pain, every nightmare, out into the open for all to see and to judge you.  Whether the judgment is of compassion and support, or ridicule and doubt, it still is a judgment.  Trust can be built or ripped away just by how another person responds to hearing of the abuse. I know a lot of people have used the #metoo movement to share their pain of abuse and that is a great start toward healing.  But hiding behind social media will not always remove the scars of abuse.  It is having to remove all of the barriers we hide behind and truly facing the abuse that starts the path to healing.  The quote "facing our demons" truly comes to mind in dealing with abuse. In high school I told a peer about the abuse happening in my life, in hopes of finding support and possibly a way to heal....

It was almost Christmas and while my husband was out of town, his mother and sister were visiting me and my children.   We had just finished clearing the dinner plates off the table and were getting ready for dessert.   I told the children to get dressed in their pajamas, so we could read scriptures and have prayer right after dessert. My older boys, Jacob, 14, and Nate, 12, headed to their bedroom to change clothes. Jacob soon appeared and then we all sat down at the table and waited for Nate to return.   Jacob and his younger siblings, David, 9, and Sara, 5, were getting restless and started to complain about how long it was taking Nate to finish getting dressed.   To calm the rambunctious siblings, I sent Sara to tell Nate to hurry up.   She skipped down the hall, grabbing the frame of his door with her hand as she turned the corner to his room. As he was still getting dressed, he yelled at her to go away and quickly slammed his door.    As th...